Life isn’t always what we want

Life isn’t always what we want is it? There are so many outside forces at work all the time it can feel like this is just how my life is and no matter what I attempt to do to change it, I can’t.  This past year I had, yet another experience, that turned my world upside down.  Although the situation was not my own it impacted me directly.  I learned so much about my self now and my self through out my life that I felt my world crumbling around me.

I struggled to find myself in all the labels being mentioned.  Suddenly all of the self-discovery work I had done for the past 17+ years in my life felt like it was being challenged.  I found myself being extremely emotional, more often than I had been.  I was struggling so much some days to hold my composure and not just start crying every time I was talking to someone.

Not only was I working so hard to be present and available for who this impacted; I now had to attempt to still function in life on the outside while inside I felt like I had been swept away in a tornado that was on the back of a hurricane.

Even though this is a new experience for me, there have been so many things that I have learned over the years that could help me through this.  Unfortunately, when the negative self-talk floods in like the water from a broken dam, it is so easy to get buried underneath all of it.

So, what do you do when everything you believe is challenged?  Typically, we go into fight, flight, or freeze mode.  Then we begin fall back into old belief patterns, negative self-talk patterns, behaviors and before you know it days have gone by and it’s as if you are waking up from a bad dream.  You know what I’m talking about, right!?!  If feels so surreal.

When something destroys your world, it takes time to figure out what to do next.  For me, even though I had all the tools and knowledge I needed to work on me, I was stuck.  WHAT!?!  This new situation was uncharted territory for me.  Now I am realizing there are problems with my physical and mental health that I had never considered.  Now I am going to have to find a medical team who specializes in this area.  I am now thinking to myself; did I spend the past 17+ years doing everything wrong?

That question that I asked myself was a red flag for me.  I noticed it was negative self-talk.  That was me doubting everything I believed about my faith, myself, and my journey.  There was no way it could all be wrong.  That is what negative self-talk does to us.  The enemy works to get into your life where he has succeeded before.

Think about what you do when you have something happen in your life and it feels like everything is falling apart.  Right now, (2020) the world is dealing with the pandemic and many lives have been turned upside down. 

What things do you find yourself saying? 

What are you hearing others say? 

What old beliefs and patterns have you noticed that are rearing their ugly head? 

Do you find yourself saying some of the following to justify why you are the way you are?

  • It’s how I was raised
  • It’s too difficult to change
  • I’m not meant to be more than I am
  • I have nothing of value to add to this world
  • No one believed in me
  • He/She treated me badly
  • He/She said and did things that hurt my feelings
  • Someone told me I had nothing to offer
  • I don’t believe that God wants that for me or I would have it
  • I’m not worthy
  • I’m not valuable

We all do it.  Although at times it may be valid, as soon as you notice these things being said it is time to take action and work on overcoming the people, situations, and experiences that hold us back and allow the healing to propel us into the future we were created for.

In my book, It’s Time 2 Change: How to Overcome Your Past so You Can Live Your Future,” I listed these.

Today I am hearing a few more, such as:

  • Here we go again
  • I knew something was going to happen
  • There’s the other shoe
  • No matter what I do something always happens


So now that we know all of this, now what?  Something that I find is important is that we need to constantly be self-aware.  Self-aware of our feelings, our state of mind, our surroundings and how they are impacting our lives.  Although we can’t control what happens to us, we can control what we do next.

It does seem to be so easy to just let life happen and no longer have a desire to fight especially when you are exhausted and feeling like life can’t get any better than it is right now.   There are countless stories of people overcoming the worst of circumstances.  Those people didn’t have some special formula or inherit a ton of money or win the lotto to change their lives.  They dug their feet in and planted themselves right where they were and made a decision that they were going to take responsibility for their life no matter what.

Are you willing?  Are you ready?  Are you accepting of the challenge to change your life, no matter what?  I will tell you the phrase, “it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better” is accurate.  I want to add to that.  It’ll probably get worse before it gets better and then just when you think it’s going to get great; it gets worse again.  Changing your life, your circumstances takes time.  There is no magic wand you can wave that will do it for you.

It takes:






You can’t change your life for the better without experiencing all of these.  In fact you can probably think of a few more to add to that list.

I encourage you to take a good look at your life and where you are.  Are you where you want to be?  If not, what are you going to do about it?  If you are, what can you do to grow and make it better?

Reach out below and share your answers with me.  Get vulnerable.  That is one of the best things to do for yourself.  Tell someone else the answers to these questions, it’s a great way to hold yourself accountable.  I can’t wait to hear from you.

Declare Your Truth ~ Live with Confidence

Dena S. Adams 

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