Are you struggling to change your life?
What is it that you believe holds you back, keeps you from changing your life?
I am going to share with you what I have learned holds many people back from changing themselves, therefore their lives as well.
I have heard so many reasons, such as:
lack of money
not enough time
I could go on, but I won’t. You get the gist.
During the conversations I have had with so many people, as we dove deeper into their specific situation, they all had a few things in common.
- They made decisions about their life in the moment: reactively
- They rationalized themselves out of believing it was right for them
Do you know what these both have in common?
They are based on a reactive emotion, a subconscious reaction that could potentially have nothing to do with the changes they are wanting to make in their lives.
Have you ever struggled to make a decision?
Have you ever had a challenge committing to something?
I mean an ALL IN, NO Wavering, NO way out, commitment?
This may sound crazy..Actually I’m positive it sounds crazy. This could be something as simple as deciding where to eat a meal, where to go on a date, what to do with our family during the weekend, showing up to Church or what product or service to offer your clients.
OH my gosh, this was my life for soooo long, every day. I allowed everyone else to make all the decisions for my life. It seemed to me in the moment that I was making the choices. Looking back I was just doing what I thought everyone else wanted me to do so I would be accepted. You know what? It never made a difference. The life I imagined in my head was never going to happen as long as was a puppet in everyone else’s lives.
Along my journey as a mom, wife, entrepreneur, and woman of Christ, I have learned that reactive emotions, subconscious rationalization are the symptom of a root cause. It is happening because it protected you once, it saved you once, and it has now become an involuntary habit you live out consistently.
Do you ever dream of a different life, a better life, a changed life? We all day dream and imagine our lives differently from time to time.
Let’s talk about the 4 basics we have to get back to, re-define for ourselves, and intentionally use in our daily lives.
I do say we a lot because listen, I’m just as imperfect as the rest of the world. I don’t have it all together all the time. I developed this because I struggled with being stuck in a reactive lifestyle.
Ok, so here we go.
The first thing we are going to change so you can change your life is
Decide: You have to make a decision. You already decided you want to make a change or you wouldn’t still be listening to this podcast right now.
You have to decide
Stop letting the rest of the world choose your life for you.
You have to make a decision about who you want to be, where you want to go in life and how you want to show up in your life for you everyday so you can be your best for others.
The second thing we are going to change so you can change your life is
Commit: You have to make a commitment. Today people make the biggest commitments of all, marriage and parenting with the belief that if it doesn’t work out there is always a way out.
It starts with the little things. Commit to an event with a friend and then another friend comes along with a much better event option and you cancel on the first friend so you can go with the second friend because you don’t want to miss out on what could something better.
We tell people all the time things like, “Oh yea, that sounds great. I’ll be there….(here’s the kicker) if nothing else comes up”.
That’s not commitment. That’s saying I’m tentatively going to show up unless someone or something more important, valuable, or worth my time comes up. Then if you don’t feel like going you consider that worthy enough of an excuse and then lie about why you canceled.
“Saying Yes to one thing means saying not to thousands.” DA
Most people don’t think they have an issue with commitment. They don’t realize all the excuses they are using to not live the life they chose my making the decisions and commitments they did.
Ok, so now that you know it’s time to make a decision, make a commitment you need to know what to do next, right!?!
The third thing we are going to change so you can change your life is
Plan– It’s time to plan…..I just heard most of you go “Ugh” and let out a big sigh and think I’m wasting my time here. Stick with me
So many people are live in the moment, free spirits, spontaneous and don’t like to be “controlled” or “confined” to a plan. Things change and yes sometimes you have to reschedule or cancel due to an emergency or you forgot you already had something else or you got sick or whatever it is.
However, if you don’t put a plan in place there are other areas of your life that get compromised.
For example you have no boundaries because you make no commitments so you are constantly being like a leaf blowing in the wind. You are not getting the support you need because you haven’t committed to having those conversations with people to build a solid support system that will help you grow in your life.
I’m not saying plan every second of your life. I’m saying know where you want to go in life. Plan steps accordingly along the way so you know you are making progress and getting closer to the life you want to life.
The fourth thing we are going to change so you can change your life is
Surprise surprise…the fourth step is to take Act
You must take action
When you have gone through this entire process, and yes I have a workbook that you can download and work through as many times as you need for any situation.
When you have gone through this entire process, taking action can start to feel like the biggest challenge. All your fears and doubts and what held you back in the beginning are all creeping up again.
Because that is your old habit trying to stay in control. Now you can take action, you know more about yourself than you did before you started, and you now have something to work towards later.